WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY

  1. Bull rider
    Mom said no.
  2. A Knight
    Like the kind that wears shining armor
  3. Suge Knight
    Like the one who owned a record label named Death Row and is now ironically on trial for murder
  4. An archeologist
    Then I learned they don't actually fight Nazis and make out with hot girls
  5. A rock star
    I got kicked out of a punk band for not being "punk enough"
  6. A lawyer
    I was in it for the money
  7. An author/motivational speaker
    A stuttering kid can dream
  8. A country singer
    I tried it and failed
  9. A publicist for celebrities
    I was into Entourage for a season
  10. A rock star
    Still not punk enough
  11. A pastor
    Don't know where that came from