Weird Things I've Had to Say to My Kids

Being a parent is an adventure within an adventure
  1. Don't lick the porch.
  2. Where did you get that poop?
  3. Don't touch the dogs butt.
  4. Stop eating the grass.
  5. We don't eat the dog food.
  6. You just cut the inside of my nose.
  7. Why did you eat the apple core?
  8. Get your face out of my butt.
  9. Don't say "ninja turtle stinky tooty butt"
  10. Get the apple out of your shoe.
  11. The dog is not a horse.
  12. The balloon was already dead!
  13. We can't drink from the toilet!