Common Idioms and What You Actually Meant.

  1. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
    When you're around it's much easier for you to piss me off.
  2. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
    Acts of kindness with ulterior motives.
  3. "I'll make a long story short."
    I'm not interested in speaking to you for as long as the last person I told this story to.
  4. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
    I'm much too lazy to deal with this until it's actually a problem.
  5. "Welp, live and learn."
    When you fuck up.. But I don't really care that much
  6. "I'm just playing devils advocate, here."
    I just enjoy arguing with you.