1. If you can't see the picture, it is a new Mercedes delivering Jimmy John's sandwiches.
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  2. First line: Jason got a really good deal on his burnt orange Mercedes.
    Suggested by @biz
  3. Given how few Oompa Loompas live in Texas, the salesmen at the dealership were skeptical about whether they would be able to unload a car of such unique color.
    Suggested by @jenward
  4. It was a cold day in December when I delivered my first Jimmy Johns (TM) sandwich to Shannon. She winked at me and gave me a three dollar tip. I tell you the honest to god truth I fell in love with her because of that wink. I've been delivering these damn sandwiches ever since. 13 years and upwards of 16,000 sandwiches by my count. In that time I
    graduated and took a job with Northrop Grumman. I design real time control software for the fine adjustment blade on the outboard fin of a short range missile system. Somebody else handles the big stuff, navigation and all that. I just make sure the thing hits dead center instead of 18 inches to the left. Pay's not great but enough to buy me an ugly Mercedes. Been delivering those sandwiches every weekend for 13 years and she's never once ordered another. Maybe I should just call her up.
    Suggested by @gwcoffey
  5. The smells the neon sign reading "Free Smells" is referring to are actually those of the new-car type.
    "I know, way disingenuous," adds the Jimmy John's driver unhelpfully.
    Suggested by @Jazz
  6. He got rid of it all, but he refused to lose the car. It remains a relic of his past life at Enron, but now he's a sandwich man, tried and true. Subs so fast, you'll freak.
    Suggested by @sarahgorman
  7. I just took this job temporarily. I'm destined for much more exciting and sophisticating pursuits. I intend to blow everyone away at my many small, menial jobs, awe inspiring them with my gravitas. So when I make it to the top they will be humbled that they got the opportunity to share an experience with me. Starting with this Mercedes.
    Suggested by @audreypalumbo
  8. But I loved the car. Along with my college debt, my only alternative to not living back with mom and dad was to become a master at freaky fast delivery. I had to tell myself this was only temporary every night after work while fleshed out my soon-to-be best seller. The car, this job, and my manuscript was all I had and then as if life couldn't get
    Suggested by @GavMaLav
  9. Happiness is about lowering your expectations. I've always wanted a Mercedes, and now I have it. For half price, in Dorito vomit orange, but who's counting. The engine still purrs and it matches my Oakleys. And as if that wasn't badass enough, I can park in any spot I want with this Jimmy John's sign I got off eBay for $8 plus shipping.
    Suggested by @mattmcpheely
  10. For sale: Jimmy John's. Never eaten.
    Suggested by @Waz