1. Never offer a "warm kiss"
  2. Be shiny
  3. Be very angry and racist
  4. Be orange and wrinkled (be an orange?)
  5. Don't run for President after your brother just finished fucking up the country 7 years ago
  6. Be cool
  7. Don't be weird and sad and lame
  8. Never start a promotional hashtag
  9. Don't assume that by putting an ! after your first name people will forget about the rest
  10. I think that's pretty much it
  11. Certainly never proffer a "warm kiss"
  12. Cry harder
  13. Wear fewer glasses, and sooner
  14. If monosyllabic campaign name, should be fricative