Screwed Up Things We Learned as Children
It's easy to accept all the games we played were normal, the songs we sang were catchy, and we were taught history accurately...
- •Ring Around the RosieThis seemingly innocuous song is about the Black Death, and could have its roots back in the mid-fourteenth century. The symptoms of the plague were circular swellings — the ring. "Pocket full of posies" is the equivalent of modern day Febreze. And the final act "ashes to ashes" is in reference to mass cremation of bodies.
- •HangmanThe stakes for not guessing a word is hanging someone else.
- •Rabbit's FeetKill a rabbit, amputate its foot, keep it on your body, and you'll have good luck.
- •Smear the QueerChase the kid with the ball and try to pummel them. Just inappropriate in every way.
- •Mary, Mary Quite ContraryThe rhyme is a reference to Queen Mary's instruments of torture and death. The Maiden was her device to behead folks, and all of them in a row were the mass graves she left in her wake.
- •Columbus Discovered the Earth is RoundBy the 1400s very few folks thought it was flat anymore. The reason the Spanish government was reticent to give Columbus funds was because he thought the earth was much smaller than in it was (and everybody knew it).
- •Trix Cereal: The RabbitPoor rabbit never got his Trix. Kids couldn't just share a bowl with him? Sharing isn't caring.
- •Einstein Failed at MathHe didn't. He was always a genius. In 1935 Ripley's Believe it or Not trivia column joked around about it... and for some reason it stuck.
- •Three Blind MiceThey're a reference to three noblemen who were convicted for plotting against the Queen Mary. They weren't blinded though, rather burnt at the stake.
- •Rockabye BabyIrresponsible parents leave their child in a crib on a treetop. You can imagine what happens when the baby falls to the ground.
- •Ariel From The Little MermaidA woman should give up everything to be with the man of her dreams. In fact, do it before you even get to know him.
- •"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring."As I recall, he went to bed, bumped his head and didn't wake up in the morning. Took me awhile to realize the poor guy was dead.Suggested by @jlisk1