HOW TO WASTE THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF TIME ON INSTAGRAM

  1. Get an account your senior year of high school and only follow people in your close friend group or people who follow you first
  2. Great! Now you only have 20 followers and there's nothing to look at on your feed.
  3. What the fuck is this dumb app for?
  4. Quickly realize that celebrities have Instagram accounts
  5. Look up accounts for every celebrity you've ever been remotely interested in
    ALL the Kardashians, many Real Housewives, random people from MTV reality shows... Turns out Instagram is for pretty low-brow celebrities
  6. Be amazed!!! This a private glimpse into the personal life of a celebrity
  7. Scroll through their ENTIRE history and realize that none of it is interesting
  8. Close app
  9. Forget about app
  10. Until you move into college and all your roommates want to follow you on Instagram!!
  11. Suddenly remember Instagram is a thing!
  12. Scroll through the profiles of all your friends from high school to remember the good times
  13. Get really sad and lonely because this is your first week at college and you miss everyone and everythying
  14. To mitigate your depression, look at all those celebrities' profiles
  15. Spend 3 hours doing this, but don't follow any celebrities because it will throw off the balance of your follower/following ratio and you don't want your new friends to know that you take keeping up with the kardashians to new extremes
  16. Adopt this as a daily routine in lieu of antidepressants
  17. Get antidepressants a few months later (bc the effectiveness of Instagram faded almost instantly) but keep up this routine as a shadow of your past life
  18. And you did it!
    Expect to spend 2-3 hours on Instagram everyday for the rest of your life.