MY DREAM HOME RENOVATION TEAM

I watch a lot of HGTV and it's given me a lot of ideas. When I'm a billionaire and I've just purchased my beautiful 100+ year old home, these are the experts I'll bring in to make it my dream home.
  1. Nicole Curtis: Designing Layout/Construction
    Listen... I don't really trust any of these other mofos to not completely gut a historical-looking home and rework the whole thing. I think Nicole has the ability to figure out what needs to stay the same in older homes and what should be changed to make the whole place liveable and comfortable. But her styling is a little too bland for me. Also I think her accent would annoy me too much for her to be around for the whole project.
  2. Emily Henderson: Designing Furniture/Finishes/Styling
    She finds stellar artwork and furniture and meshes them together in a way that no one else can. She's definitely my choice for lead designer because I think she has the flexibility and vision to style a home in a way that stays true to its history but is also light/open/inviting/happy. Plus I want to meet her adorable kids.
  3. Jeff Lewis: Project Manager/Creative Input
    I admire the way he works and his commitment, but I think his design style is ultimately too contemporary for the kinds of houses I'm drawn to. I think he would do a stellar job making sure shit gets done, and he can also be there to offer up big creative ideas that I think other people on this list wouldn't necessarily think of.
  4. Joanna Gaines: For Moral Support
    She is so happy and lovely 100% of the time but I hate her design style (faux distressed wood = 😷) and I question her true commitment based on the 100000 things she does. But you know homegirl would have your back when you need to cry. And when I need to laugh she can bring Chip around and they can do something goofy and show me what true love is.
  5. SO IN SUMMARY:
  6. A home with a layout like this
  7. Styled like this
  8. Managed by this
  9. And loved by this