SO YOU WANT TO BE A REAL HOUSEWIFE?

Here are some tips
  1. Have a desire to sing and be ready to whip out singles once you're a confirmed cast member
  2. Date someone who's already dated another housewife from your desired location
  3. Get a kooky hobby
    You own miniature horses? Great. You love Fengshui and see an Eastern Doctor? Fab. You collect hairless cats? You're in.
  4. Have fertility issues
  5. If you live in California, be connected to OJ Simpson
    Whether you wrote a book on it or were in a book written about it or were best friends with Nicole or know their son or saw him sneeze once, you better know OJ.
  6. If you live in New York, be connected to a Kennedy
    This way you can participate in the yelling name-dropping fights and get that airtime
  7. Live in a McMansion
  8. If you aren't currently divorced or in the process of getting divorced, get ready to get divorced in the near future
    Nothing ups the ratings like marital troubles
  9. Get a boob job
  10. Train yourself to cry on command
  11. Start throwing wine glasses at other women when you get mildly upset with them
  12. Dye your hair blonde
  13. Brush up on your investigative skills
    Be ready to read up on your cast mates and know how to print out emails, court documents, mug shots, etc so you can bring them to reunions
  14. Have truly awful, terrible children and be ready to exploit them on national television
  15. Start thinking exclusively in slightly modified idioms and affirmations
    "If you can't take the heat, get out of MY kitchen"
  16. Lose a limb