WHAT I REALLY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

I gave my mom my Christmas list last night (yes I am a privileged baby who gets presents from her parents still but we all have iPhones here so let's be real) but this is what I really wanted to ask for.
  1. 1.
    Someone to find and rent a clean, pretty, well-lit apartment for me in my ideal area and in my price range, with parking for my roommate
    I will pay the rent but you cover your cost of labor
  2. 2.
    Love and understanding
    This is what I ask for from my mom every year for every holiday. Still on my list, which should tell you something.
  3. 3.
    Someone to teach me how to knit/purl
    In real life I asked for supplies to knit socks because I think it's my true calling and purpose in life, but apparently you first have to know how to "knit" and "purl" (which is BULLSHIT). If anyone would like to teach me, bling my hotline
  4. 4.
    My anxiety/depression to disappear
    🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
  5. 5.
    My friend to stop fucking this guy I hate
    I know that it's her decision and so I haven't said anything BUT it's really fucking with me on the daily tbh because the relationship dynamics are THAT gross
  6. 6.
    To magically wake up at my ideal weight
    I genuinely think losing weight would improve my quality of life so much but I am also a lazy mofo so I need to put in 0 work.
  7. 7.
    A fortune teller to come and tell me exactly how my life will turn out, in as much detail as I want
    And she has to be reputable (aka if she is not 100% correct I will sue). I think this will help a lot with #4
  8. 8.
    These sock suspenders