Things That Other People Are Really Into That, Try As I Might, I Am Not

  1. Other people's kids
    If you're not my kid, I'm just not that into you. (With just a few exceptions).
  2. Negronis
    I'll keep trying.
  3. "Breaking Bad"
    I'll keep trying with this one too.
  4. Shakespeare
    Except for that time in high school when I fooled myself into thinking otherwise.
  5. Religion
  6. Loyalty to a specific professional sports team
  7. Musicals
  8. Running on the beach
    Running anywhere.
  9. Artisan dark chocolate
    I buy it every chance I get and put it in my pantry (behind the chocolate that I enjoy eating).
  10. "The Big Bang Theory"
    Maybe it's funny? I don't know. I lost the ability to endure laugh tracks in the year 1999.
  11. Greek yogurt
    For the same reason that I don't enjoy eating sour cream straight from the container.
  12. Sriracha sauce
  13. Dogs
    I like dogs just fine, but everyone else seems to be obsessed with them. I feel like I'm missing something.
  14. Sushi
    Same as above. I like it just fine, but I feel like I'm missing something.
  15. Horror movies
    If my life was completely stress-free then I might be more open to the idea of two and half hours of self-induced fear and anxiety.
  16. Jennifer Lawrence
    We get it. You're "normal". Congratulations.