Reasons Why Living in Iowa Is the Worst

The trials and tribulations of a college student stranded in Eastern Iowa.
  1. It's always windy.
    The wind never stops. The wind in Iowa has literally knocked me down. And it has knocked me off the sidewalk and into the road more times than I care to count. And you can't even hold an umbrella when it's raining without it collapsing on itself at least three times in the fifteen minute walk to class. Also, it's so windy in the winter that the snow on ground blows up and smacks me in the face when I'm walking. FUCK THE WIND.
  2. IT'S FUCKING COLD AS SHIT
    Today it is a balmy 14 degrees. Which translates to -4 degrees with 22 mph and goddamn Midwestern wind chill. This is actually pretty warm for Iowa.
  3. THE WIND CHILL MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE CAUSE OF MY DEATH.
  4. Non Stop Election Ads.
    Please leave and let me live my life presidential candidates. Go harass New Hampshire.
  5. People say "Pop" instead of Soda.
    Pray for their poor misguided souls.
  6. There's an actual chain of stores called Kum and Go.
    WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA
  7. Everything is closed by 8-9 PM.
    And I live in Iowa's third biggest city.
  8. Sometimes it gets so fUCKING FOGGY THAT FLIGHTS GET CANCELLED.
    The weather here is so wacked. How do we survive????
  9. DID I MENTION THAT IT IS REALLY FUCKING COLD IN THE WINTER??? LIKE COLDER THAN FUCKING CHICAGO???
    Why did people even decide to settle here????
  10. An alarmingly high number of people you meet in college have a story about a time they got frisky in a corn field/neighborhood farm.
    I wish I was joking.
  11. People have opinions on farming. And they will discuss them with you at length. They will also mock you if you don't understand their farming jargon.
    Save me. I'm from a city on the East Coast. I might actually die of boredom.
  12. Whenever you tell someone you live in Iowa they make corn jokes.
    IT IS NOT FUNNY. IT WAS NEVER FUNNY.
  13. We are only relevant once every four years. AND EVEN THEN IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY ANNOYING.
    STOP HOLDING UP TRAFFIC MARCO RUBIO. LEAVE MY COFFEE SHOP TED CRUZ. I NEED A BOOK FOR CLASS GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BOOKSTORE HILLARY CLINTON. RAND PAUL STOP HOLDING FUCKING RALLIES IN THE TOWN CENTER. UGHHH
  14. HAVE I MENTIONED THAT IT IS REALLY FUCKING COLd???!!!!