1. "Go to Hollywood!"
    My school had a major/minor fair today where I spoke to the head of the English department. After he told me he's had 27 novels published, I told him I wanna write for TV, to which he responded, "Go to Hollywood!" I don't know if he meant now or later (or if he just wanted me as far away from him as possible,) but I would love to [have the money to] take that leap! I should've been like, "Any chance you're looking for a charity case to spend all that book money on?" *slaps knee*
  2. "...boil water for 3 minutes before drinking, using for food preparation, brushing teeth, etc."
    When I woke up this morning, I heard my neighbors screaming "Ewwww!!" I disregarded this, slept for several more minutes, then got up and tried to brush my teeth, but there was no water. (Don't worry, I used bottled water to brush my teeth.) I later received an email stating that the water was working, but to [insert above tip] because "the water may contain or have been contaminated with harmful waste during this incident." I am now afraid to shower for fear of poop water.