WHY I'M GETTING BACK ON MY ANTIDEPRESSANTS

aka a whiny list of my problems that didn't need to be published
  1. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and both generalized and social anxiety disorder several years ago, and I was medicated for about a year
  2. I quit the pills cold turkey about 2 years ago, because I felt like a robot
  3. But I still needed them
  4. My anxiety has been anything but under control since I stopped taking them
  5. It's gotten exponentially worse since I started college
  6. I worry about everything - my parents, my friends, school, my future, life in general
  7. The only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the worry that I'll flunk out of school
  8. But I can't even concentrate on school
  9. I'm too anxious to speak up in class or ask for help
  10. I worry that school isn't even worth anything anyway
  11. But I constantly obsess about getting a 4.0 GPA even though I know it doesn't mean shit
  12. I keep myself awake at night until I'm too exhausted to lie awake and think about things that will upset me
  13. Even when I do sleep, I don't sleep well
  14. Consequentially, I'm constantly tired
  15. I think I'd be tired even if I did sleep better
  16. I eat constantly, even when I'm not hungry
  17. Then I get anxious about gaining weight
  18. Then I get anxious about my clothes and how I look
  19. I wanted to get involved in more clubs, but I'm too afraid to go to the meetings
  20. I'm too socially anxious to try and make any friends, so I'm lonely all the time
  21. I think too much when I'm alone
  22. I cry about everything
  23. I really need to get a job next semester, but I'm terrified of fucking up
  24. I feel like the only way I'm gonna be able to handle a job is if I get back on my medication
  25. And I WANT to get a job
  26. I wanna prove to myself that I can do this
  27. I wanna prove that I can be a productive adult member of society
  28. I wanna be happy and good and the only way I think I can do that right now is if I get back on the pills
  29. And I have to tell myself that that's ok