*"healthiest" like margarine was the healthiest fat in the '90s
  1. Eat
    A lot. Of whatever you want. Because fuck it! Some suggestions: pizza for breakfast. An entire chocolate bar as an appetizer. Just take a fork to everything in your fridge. You'll feel better before you feel much, much worse.
  2. Exercise
    I mean, wear exercise clothes. It's basically the same thing as exercising, plus yoga pants have elastic waistbands, which is key.
  3. (Don't) Sleep
    This gives you more time to be sad
  4. Stare at the ceiling fan
    For a very long time. Does it stop and start or is that an optical illusion? There's only one way to figure it out: stare at it some more.