CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT TRADER JOE'S PREVIOUS LIFE

before his rule as urban grocery market king. 👑
  1. Wall Street Trader Joe
    Think about it. Reasonable prices on pumpkin biscotti AND pumpkin butter, even when pumpkin is on trend this season? This guy knows his business. 💸 Maybe he started on the floor.
  2. Traitor Joe
    Oh no. Probably responsible for selling U.S. secrets in exchange for decades of control over the Hawaiian shirt black market - Why else would he require all cashiers to sport the "stepdad at a family barbecue" look?
  3. Trainer Joe
    Maybe we're being dramatic. Maybe Joe was just that way too fit dude at your local Y who always had a Doritos-orange tan in February.
  4. Tater Joe
    But what if the worst is true? The little-known theory that Trader Joe is not a man, but a giant tater tot capable of thought and negotiating good wholesale deals on cheap wine. We may never know.