before his rule as urban grocery market king. 👑
  1. Wall Street Trader Joe
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    Think about it. Reasonable prices on pumpkin biscotti AND pumpkin butter, even when pumpkin is on trend this season? This guy knows his business. 💸 Maybe he started on the floor.
  2. Traitor Joe
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    Oh no. Probably responsible for selling U.S. secrets in exchange for decades of control over the Hawaiian shirt black market - Why else would he require all cashiers to sport the "stepdad at a family barbecue" look?
  3. Trainer Joe
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    Maybe we're being dramatic. Maybe Joe was just that way too fit dude at your local Y who always had a Doritos-orange tan in February.
  4. Tater Joe
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    But what if the worst is true? The little-known theory that Trader Joe is not a man, but a giant tater tot capable of thought and negotiating good wholesale deals on cheap wine. We may never know.