Ooh, free advice! Said no one ever.
  1. It doesn't matter how well you raise your kids, they're just gonna stick you in an old folks home anyway.
  2. Travel while you're young. When you're retired your wrinkled old ass won't appreciate the beach.
  3. "Yeah, said I didn't want kids either. But here I am. You'll have them, and you'll ruin your body doing it."
  4. Large hoop earrings are for teenagers and whores.
  5. Tea tree oil is God's gift to us and can be used for everything from skin care to shampoo to perfume to Draino.
  6. "With hair like that you're never going to find a husband."