THE SEVEN PEOPLE YOU RUN INTO WHEN COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

There's no place like home for the holidays.
  1. College friends
    Depending on the amount of time it's been since you've seen each other, this can be miserable or magical. Don't talk about your job because they don't care. Talk about college. When they show you their babies, you cannot scoff because by life standards, this is permissible.
  2. High school peers
    For me, this is the time to really push the fact that, even though I was absolutely terrified of the locker room and didn't hit puberty until last week, I not only own a duvet, but can spell duvet.
  3. Town regulars
    I'M LOOKING AT YOU GAS STATION NANCY. MISSED YOU, GIRL.
  4. Exes
    Today I saw an old boyfriend in a fast food restaurant, switched my ring to my left hand, and sashayed around that Zaxby's counter like Taylor Swift in an African Safari music video. EVEN IT'S JUST IN YOUR WIIIIILDEST DREEEEEAMS
  5. Your friend's parents
    Depending on whether you went to law school, or followed your heart and pursued that degree in "the humanities," this can shake out for you in a couple different ways. Best case, they wish _________ could've turned out more like you. Worst case, you get to see ____________'s family pictures on their mom's iPhone 4.
  6. Your parents
    Do not complain about your parents because some people don't even have them. You will listen to their stories and going-ons and you will embrace it because one time, you wanted to try sun-in, and they allowed you to be a fool and loved you anyway. So buck up, soldier.
  7. People on Tinder
    You have no desire to actually date, or even hook up with, anyone from home, but like, there you are, laying in your twin bed swiping right on Billy from high school—not because you're into it, but like, you def wanna know if he's into it. And then you consider getting Tinder Plus so you can erase swipes but $9.99 a month is effing bonkers, AMIRITE?