Unusual Ways I Might Die

  1. Choking on a tragically thick PB and J.
    *almost happened today and inspired this list
  2. Becoming mummified from the inside out by the amount of Diet Coke I drink and so I slowly stop being able to move or breathe
    Diet Coke is a lot like formaldehyde, according to the Facebook articles my mom tags me in.
  3. Pricked by a deadly poisoned cross stitch needle
    a la Sleeping Beauty
  4. Trip while carrying paper for a print job, suffer a disastrous paper cut to the carotid
    Painful way to go if you ask me.
  5. Accidentally knocking the ladder away when climbing into my attic, and therefore becoming stuck in attic; dying of heat exposure and lack of water before anyone thinks to check on me.
    The whole hefting myself up from a ladder into the attic thing is problematic in more than one way.
  6. Falling down the stairs at work while being nice to an old lady customer and offering to carry her heavy boxes of printing to her car for her.
    A la Death Becomes Her
  7. Attempting a Stuckey Feat of Swimming Strength and failing.
    ...nah...not gonna happen.
  8. Fatal fisticuffs with a faculty member over the Oxford Comma
  9. Deadly gas explosion from turning my gas grill on and tossing in a match to get it ignited, and failing to step back.
  10. Buried under a pile of empty Diet Coke cans I've been meaning to take to the recycling.
    Since they weigh very little, it would have to be a ton, meaning I had been epically lazy with the recycling of late.