How to Accept a Job Offer in 10 Easy Steps

  1. 1.
    Sleep through the phone call from HR.
    Who wakes up before 10:30? Not me.
  2. 2.
    Wake up and listen to the vague voice-mail HR left you.
    Feel a weird mix of terror and hope.
  3. 3.
    Prepare yourself to go back to bed and cry in case the news is bad.
    Obviously they're calling to reject you, how dare you feel hope.
  4. 4.
    Call HR back and get the job offer.
  5. 5.
    Play it cool. End the call without giving an answer.
    50% playing hard to get, 50% in shock and unable to feel emotions.
  6. 6.
    Google things to consider before accepting a job offer.
    Be overwhelmed by the number of articles. Realize most of them don't apply to you.
  7. 7.
    Kill time.
    Take a shower, have some lunch.
  8. 8.
    Look over the benefits package.
    Yep, those are benefits. I'm definitely an adult and know what all of the words mean.
  9. 9.
    Call HR again and accept the offer.
    Time elapsed: about 3 hours.
  10. 10.
    Tell everyone at your current job.
    So long, suckers! (JK they're all wonderful people that I will miss dearly.)