AMERICAN HORROR STORY: VALENTINE'S DAY

Excerpts (verbatim) from @michael_circa91's Valentine's Day saga recut into a chilling tale of elevators, chases on foot, and a singer-songwriter-zombie.
  1. "I have not told this story many times but every fucking time I cannot leave out one damned detail."
  2. "Because it was all just so....wtf?""
  3. "We were being dingbats."
  4. "The worst decision I ever made in my entire life."
  5. "I almost passed out on the stairs from stress and regret."
  6. "Sex, party, drugs, booze, and money. Spraying Axe in the air. Like, it was all too real."
  7. "Minnesotans everywhere put their hands under their sweaty pits."
  8. "A couple people were brave enough. They left."
  9. "I almost barfed there Sam I Am."
  10. "@lesleyann and I made our way to the stage."
  11. "The security guard saw what we were trying to do."
  12. "And that's when it happened."
  13. "With all but a glittering purple smoke, he was gone."
  14. "Until the next day..."
  15. "(I still shake when I recall the whole thing.)"
  16. "My Valentine was Spider-Man."
  17. "And was also lowkey sexual."
  18. "We park our car on the second level underground."
  19. "We start up the stairs cuz we got time."
  20. "Lesley Ann says, 'let's...take the elevator...'"
  21. "And then I turn my head and AUDIBLY GASP."
  22. "It was them."
  23. "@lesleyann just kept pressing the elevator button."
  24. "I promptly begin fake puking and literally screaming."
  25. "I realize we have one floor, ONE FLOOR to compose our asses before they are quite possibly standing right there."
  26. "The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. And the Downright Petty."
  27. "The elevator opens."
  28. "And they are sitting in the open."
  29. "AND NO ONE CARES."
  30. "Lesley Ann just makes a break for it."
  31. "And deserts me."
  32. "Melani starts basically slapping me trying to convince me to go with her."
  33. "I could've killed her."
  34. "I maybe should have."
  35. "I took for the hills and ran."
  36. "I waited for Lesley Ann."
  37. "We didn't hold each other but in hindsight, we needed it."
  38. "My brain goes numb."
  39. "Some people from the audience start inching their way closer."
  40. "Sufjan just looked so dead inside."
  41. "We realize we can't move."
  42. "The group from the elevators? Does he remember?!?"
  43. "He asks, 'what was your name again?'"
  44. "'Lesley Ann.'"
  45. "Lesley Ann and I both can suddenly hear each others' thoughts like that part in Spy Kids."
  46. "This whole thing was happening in our hometown."
  47. "He could tell from the drool that we were pretty nervous."
  48. "I was like shaking."
  49. "Still am."
  50. "Suddenly the curator shows up at the bottom of the steps."
  51. "We start going through the exhibit like 'RUN.'"
  52. "They are literally following right behind us."
  53. "I can HEAR HER."
  54. "And I am like spiraling fast so we just have to bolt."
  55. "We finally lose them and finally my suffering is complete."
  56. "The Actual End."