BAD, DUMB, UNCREATIVE AND USELESS FACEBOOK STATUSES THAT WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE ITERATIONS OF

I AM GONNA LIGHT MY WHOLE TIMELINE ON FIRE I S2G
  1. "Omg everyone my age is getting married or having babies and I'm just sitting here eating some kind of snack that makes me sound relatable lmao lolol hahahah"
    WOW YOU SOUND SO FUN AND AWESOME AND NOT AT ALL JEALOUS OR BITTER.
  2. "HOLY TOLEDO can you believe that kids today are unfamiliar with this outdated technology and/or fad that stopped being useful or relevant decades before they were born???"
    In the words of EW's Amanda Michelle Steiner, SHOW ME HOW TO USE A GRAMOPHONE AND THEN WE'LL TALK.
  3. "Wow honestly can you believe this unimportant pop culture term is trending over this obscure issue I perceive as much more important because I am interested in it and think the other thing is dumb."
    EVERY TIME YOU MENTION A TRENDING TERM, IT MAKES IT MORE POPULAR. SO ALL YOU PEOPLE BITCHING ABOUT THE KARDASHIANS TRENDING ARE MAKING THEM TREND HIGHER. WHY DO YOU NOT GET THIS??? Also, yes. You are right. It is important for topics and events with global implications to trend. So WRITE SOMETHING SUBSTANTIVE ABOUT IT. POST A LINK. MAKE THAT TREND INSTEAD. (Ask my woke ass bae @jessee for tips on how to write effective FB statuses)
  4. "This is dumb and bad because I don't understand or agree with it but instead of learning about it or leaving well enough alone, I'm gonna post about it and just declare it stupid because it doesn't immediately interest or make sense to me"
    WHY ARE YOU WILLINGLY DROWNING IN A SEA OF IGNORANCE WHEN THE INTERNET EXISTS?
  5. "Does anyone know the answer to this question that I could have saved several minutes by just googling it, rather than wait for feedback from my peers?"
    If I see one more status asking "WHAT TIME DO THE EAGLES PLAY TOMORROW?" or "DOES APPLEBEES HAVE GLUTEN-FREE OPTIONS?" I'm gonna knock out power to the entire tri-state area. www.lmgtfy.com bish.
  6. "I am so deeply unhappy and everything is terrible omg I'm so 😭😭😭😭 and I'm being intentionally vague so you'll ask me why I'm sad in the comments and give me attention but I won't tell you why because it's fucking PRIVATE okay????? God."
    Thanks @missy for reminding me of these abominations.
  7. "I WANT YOU TO JOIN MY TEAM FOR THIS PYRAMID SCHEME SO I'M GONNA ONLY GIVE YOU VAGUE DETAILS SO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME ABOUT IT LOL PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT IT I'M DYING INSIDE"
    No.
  8. "Lol I went to Target for this one thing but I ended up spending so much money and didn't actually get the one thing I went to get omg hahahahaha"
    We know.