Live listing from the Bell House
  1. I almost made Jay Z my phone wallpaper to remind myself I could do anything
  2. I think of eating as a way to not die but still enjoy it
  3. You ever get a big pink coconut and suck on it?
  4. I can't wait for the thinkpiece after this leaks; "NOT ENOUGH DIVERSITY IN BJ NOVAK'S PORNHUB SEARCHES"
    @bjnovak but inspired by @summeranne
  5. It's a five letter web domain it's very elegant
    @bjnovak on ""
  6. Liking a 6-month old selfie on Instagram is like a marriage conteact
  7. I call this one "Problematic, question mark?"
  8. (Not a quote but @shanaz stabbing @bjnovak was glorious)
  9. (Only @Nicholas and I have seen the theatrical version of the Phantom of the Opera starring Gerard Butler, judging by the reaction)
  10. Can you believe the balls of this movie to relegate Morgan Freeman to the Vice President?
  11. Gerard Butler is a magic thespian
  12. This is a person who came on the app and we all texted each other "who the fuck is this?"
  13. I love all your lists
    @bjnovak to @olive (yeah you fuckin do)
  14. Don't use the n word I don't need that on my conscience
  15. Literally everything @olive said, she knows I'm obsessed with her @list if y'all didn't get her whole set I'm gonna fight
  16. If @olive and @bjnovak formed a duo and traveled the world talking about Olive's life, every show would sell out
  17. Every time I put a collar and a leash on a man, he tells me his wife is gonna kill him
  18. She was in the military forever, she's fine handling a fucking stomach hernia
  19. (Irrelevant but @Waz I love you)
  20. I'm not sure about you guys but I hate losing my Chapstick
  21. (I just actually started crying because @richardcurtis is here just ask @thebestSR im legitimately tearing up)
  22. (Girls) can say "I hooked up with a man who was a chubby slobby version of Ryan Gosling"
    @richardcurtis about @Nicholas (I almost typed Ryan Gosling this is now canon)
  23. I believe, anytime when he went off stage, Johnny Mathis got a blowjob from a choir boy
    Right before @richardcurtis left the stage
  24. (@dfly roasting @bjnovak about being territorial and pretending to not know how many followers he had was my favorite thing all night)