LISTS MY FAMILY WOULD MAKE ABOUT ME

Inspired by @tatertotfreak (my parents are literally the best I love them so much but like)
  1. WHY OUR DAUGHTER ISN'T DATING ANYONE
    Alternate title: EVIDENCE THAT KATE IS SECRETLY A CLOSETED LESBIAN EVEN THOUGH SHE SWEARS SHE ISN'T (AND WE ARE SERIOUSLY SO OKAY WITH IT AND LOVE HER NO MATTER WHAT SERIOUSLY WE MEAN IT KATE WE LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY WE SWEAR)
  2. REASONS WHY OUR 25 Y.O. DAUGHTER ISN'T LIVING UP TO HER POTENTIAL
  3. REASONS MY DAUGHTER IS NOT YET A REAL ADULT
    I already wrote this on behalf of my dad: REASONS I AM NOT A REAL ADULT YET, ACCORDING TO MY DAD
  4. FAUX-TRAUMATIC EVENTS OUR DAUGHTER REMEMBERS CLEARLY BUT WE PRETEND TO FORGET
  5. TIMES OUR DAUGHTER HAS CRIED OVER MINOR INCONVENIENCES
    They are so shocked and appalled by this
  6. WHY WE BOTH PUT OUR ONLY DAUGHTER ON THE B TEAM WHEN WE WERE HER REC LEAGUE COACHES
    Written by my father (basketball) and my mother (field hockey, lacrosse) (also this is so warranted I'm a nightmare and didn't give a fuuuuuck about youth sports bye)
  7. REASONS WHY OUR DAUGHTER IS A PERFECT BEAUTIFUL ANGEL AND WE SUPPORT HER UNCONDITIONALLY (TODAY)
  8. PROFESSIONAL COMEDIANS MY DAUGHTER IS WAY FUNNIER THAN
    By my mom (spoiler: it's every male comedian and also most females too)
  9. REFLECTIONS ON CALLING MY 6-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER OUT AT HOME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE LEAGUE UMPIRE
    By my dad
  10. REACTIONS TO TRENDING ON THE LISTY APP THINGY OUR DAUGHTER TALKS ABOUT CONSTANTLY
  11. REASONS I'M DISAPPOINTED *FOR* (NOT *IN*) MY DAUGHTER
    By my mom
  12. EVIDENCE OUR DAUGHTER IS SECRETLY ON DRUGS
  13. REASONS WHY OUR DAUGHTER IS AN EMOTIONAL MESS DESPITE GROWING UP IN A VERY STABLE AND SUPPORTIVE HOUSEHOLD
    The whole list is 17 bullets of question marks
  14. LIST TITLES OUR DAUGHTER HAS ASSUMED WE WOULD WRITE ABOUT HER BECAUSE OF HER WILD PROJECTION OF HER ANXIETIES ON US, DESPITE ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY
    Alternate title: WE ARE LITERALLY SUCH GOOD PARENTS WHO LOVE AND SUPPORT OUR DAUGHTER UNCONDITIONALLY, WHY DOES SHE THINK WE HATE HER????