MOVIE PLOTS I WOULD FIX: TITANIC
I love this movie but I also fucking hate it
- •Rose gets - and stays - in the lifeboat like a non-idiotAnd everyone understands why she chooses certain survival over literally clawing her way back on board a sinking ship to be with a guy she met 48 hours earlier. She still lives, Jack still dies, but none of the bullshit from the last VHS happens because everyone makes SMART FUCKING DECISIONS and saves the studio literal millions of dollars which they use to flesh out the storyline of a second class family (WHY DO WE IGNORE TITANIC'S SECOND CLASS?? THEY ARE SO INTERESTING FUUUUCK)
- •Rose DOESN'T get in the lifeboat, but instead of jumping out at the last minute, she gets out before it descends.Thus allowing a non-imbecile to take her seat and saving another life. Also she doesn't have to jump out RISKING THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE IN THE LIFEBOAT IF IT CAPSIZES FROM THE SUDDEN MOVEMENT. (This is my biggest sticking point with the movie. FINE. Risk your own life. But let people who aren't fucking STUPID take your spot, you spoiled brat ugh HONESTLY)
- •Old lady Rose was lying the whole timeNot sure if she was just bored or if it's a result of underlying mental deterioration. Maybe she just wanted her 15 minutes of fame and realized no one else alive could fact check her story so she seized the moment. But basically at the end, we find out that we wasted nearly 3 hours of our lives listening to this epic love story that was fake and that's why none of it makes sense.
- •Jack was a figment of Rose's imagination,Okay so maybe she wasn't actually lying. But Jack was definitely fake. She came up with this whole story as a psychological band aid for a significantly traumatizing event in her life. It's understandable but still fake.
- •Old lady Rose was a figment of the crew's imaginationThey all dreamed up old lady Rose due to overwork and dehydration. Seriously, diving that deep for any period of time, even in a manned submersible, can fuck with your head. Maybe she was just an illusion created to fulfill their desire for answers that they ultimately wouldn't have gotten. Either way, imagine them calling the news and setting up satellite interviews and when the camera turns on, no one is there.
- •An inflatable life vest was hidden behind the Heart of the Ocean stoneWhen the necklace hits the surface at the end, the life vest activates and they all stare at it in shock. Old lady Rose lets out a piercing wail and turns into a pile of dust because she realizes she could have saved Jack after all. Fade to black.
- •The whole movie is about the sinking of RMS Lusitania insteadHONESTLY DO Y'ALL EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE LUSITANIA?!!?!?!?! IT WAS ONE OF THE LARGEST SHIPS IN THE WORLD AND IT SUNK IN 18 MINUTES?? IT WAS CARRYING UNDECLARED MUNITIONS ON A PASSENGER SHIP?? IT FORCED AMERICA TO CHANGE ITS NEUTRAL POSITION ON OTHER COUNTRIES' WARS AND ENTER WWI??! I WOULD WATCH A THREE HOUR CAMERON EPIC ON THAT DISASTER/WAR CRIME/CATALYST FOR THE "WORLD" PART OF WWI