God this list is a nightmare. Req'd by @jessnobs and @alyklinow. Please don't unfollow me
  1. I think I am the most annoying person in the world.
    So I would be able to accurately gauge when people were getting sick of me and fade out for a little while.
  2. I have never in my life gotten tired of talking about anything
    Would come in handy on press tours
  3. I love talking about myself SO MUCH.
    Again, would come in handy on press tours/interviews
  4. I know what it's like to have a 9-5 job so I would fully appreciate the creative freedom to live my dream
  5. I love getting my hair and makeup done.
    LOVE. IT. I would adore sitting in a chair for 2 hours a day while someone figured out how to fix my eyebrows and make my hair look less like an oil slick. This seems like objectively the best part about being famous
  6. I need someone else to coordinate my appointments
    I cannot for the life of me take care of my own calendar. I manage logistics for a team of 9 people as well as several different events, but can't call my dentist to schedule a cleaning (MY DENTIST IS MY UNCLE). I was born to have an assistant
  7. I have several minor aesthetic flaws that I would like to fix but cannot justify spending money on because I am a dirt poor plebeian
    Such as: eyebrow extensions, fixing the persistent tear in my right thumb's nailbed, laser hair removal, hair extensions, etc.
  8. When I'm bored/alone, I practice answering interview questions
    In case you haven't noticed, I am both an egomaniac and a sociopath
  9. I love to travel and am rarely affected by jet lag
    This feels very necessary! So many trips! And I would handle going in and out of time zones like a champ!