SOUND OF MUSIC CHILDREN, RANKED

Inspired by @paigeparker
  1. 1.
    Kurt
    A KING AMONG MEN!!!!! Possibly one of my all-time fave characters. Everything about him is perfect. From his introductory dialogue about being incorrigible, to the high note he hits in So Long Farewell, to the flawless side eye he throws, to his constant quotes about being hungry (#relatable). Somehow in this family of miserable people, Kurt manages to be a ray of friggin sunshine. The only Von Trapp you actually want to hang out (besides maybe Marta). NEVER CHANGE, KURT. NEVER.
  2. 2.
    Marta
    Poor Marta just wants a fucking pink parasol and instead she has to fight the fucking Nazis with song. The way she says "and I'll be 7 on Shuersday" makes me WEAK. Clearly the superior of the two little girls, but gets overshadowed by Gretl's narcissistic ass. Marta probably got the shaft when Mama Von Trapp died because everyone was so worried about poor baby Gretl and forgot that Marta was only like a year older than her. Her braid game is strong and she keeps out of trouble. Deserves more.
  3. 3.
    Friedrich
    Poor Friedrich! Not a boy, not yet a man and SHUNNED by his hot dad. Stays in good spirits despite it all. Probably a much more interesting character than Liesl and I'm pissed we didn't get to see more of him. Has there ever been a better character intro than "I'm Friedrich, I'm 14, I'm impossible"?? As someone who too is impossible, I can appreciate him being upfront about it. My only concern about Friedy is that he somehow bit Gretl's finger? I mean she sucks but don't bite a 5 year old, damn
  4. 4.
    Liesl
    I want to hate on Liesl but I just can't. Can you imagine if you were in charge of your 6 siblings (who btw are NIGHTMARES) and dealing with your own hormonal shit, and then you find out the guy you're crushin' on is a Nazi??? Tell me that wouldn't fuck you right up. The scenes of her bonding with Maria are so important! Plus Charmian Carr danced that gazebo scene with a broken ankle and I have to award her points for toughing it out. A true gem, that Liesl.
  5. 5.
    Brigitta
    Only slightly better than Louisa because of her honesty when meeting Fraulein Maria, but loses points because HELLO girlfriend just left a convent and you're up here in your mansion like "your dress is ugly yo". DO YOU SEE YOUR MILITARY UNIFORM??? Not cute boo. But I also kind of appreciate her honesty. I related strongly to her being late to things because she was reading. Definitely deserves more characterization. I would love to know what she was doing while Liesl was flirting around a gazebo
  6. 6.
    Louisa
    What a miserable bitch, right?? The only thing keeping her from last place is that I feel bad she had to live in Liesl's shadow and has to hang out with Brigitta all the time. But like if you're going to lie to your new nanny, at least be better at it? Make sure you provide all the info she asked for?? And like what's your long con on this, babe? How long are you going to pull off pretending to be Brigitta? Why not pick a different name that no one else had? I just don't get it.
  7. 7.
    Gretl
    Full disclosure: I am the baby of my family and very much relate to Gretl on a spiritual level. But like at the same time, there is NOTHING worse than a cute kid who knows she's cute. And this is coming from a former cute kid who knew she was cute. We are monsters. The most useless Von Trapp. SHE HAD TO BE CARRIED OVER THE MOUNTAIN. Bitch we escaping Nazis, can you like try to use your legs??? Plus the actress's tirade on Twitter about NBC's Sound of Music Live made me mad.