SOUND OF MUSIC NUNS, RANKED

Follow-up to my Von Trapp children ranking: SOUND OF MUSIC CHILDREN, RANKED
  1. 1.
    Sister Berthe
    πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ The OG sassmaster. Look at her SERVING THE FUCK UP in this pic! The only nun who sticks to her guns during "(How Do You Solve A Problem Like) Maria" and I appreciate her resolve Doesn't hold back either! She's a demon! She's a headache!! GO AWF BERTHE!!! However, she doesn't let her dislike of Maria as a nun or her love of God prevent her from jacking up the Nazis' car with Margaretta while the VTs escape. Bless her for that! Portia Nelson is perfect. We don't deserve her.
  2. 2.
    Mother Abbess
    Obviously the best (well second best). So understanding of Maria's shenanigans but still holds firm to her rules and standards. Sings a killer fucking solo. Matchmaking game is so strong for a celibate woman!! She knows that Maria *can't be tamed* and doesn't try to break her spirit or punish her for being flighty. Instead she encourages her to go explore the world and find herself before committing to life in the church. Deserves so many karma/bible/heaven points for that. Feminist icon ✨
  3. 3.
    Sister Margaretta
    Comes to Maria's defense like a true child of God. "Maria! Makes me! Laugh hahahahahaha!" She appreciates comic relief! Doesn't join in with the other nuns bitching about a poor postulant who is just restless and like maybe not cut out for the job?? Calls her an angel! What a pure and innocent soul! The only one who truly abides by the Godlike principles nuns are meant to live by. I hope we all have a Sister Margaretta in our lives to protect us from gossip.
  4. 4.
    Sister Catherine
    Gets points for the word "flibbertijibbet". Loses points for that RUDE comment about how Maria is never late for meals. Kinda sounds like you're shaming Maria for being on time for the only part of her daily schedule that is essential for survival (eating)? And you admit she's a child! She's just finding her way in the world! Why y'all gotta beat her down like this by tattling to Reverend Mother?
  5. 5.
    Sister Sophia
    Waffles between finding Maria delightful and annoying? Mad at her for waltzing on the way to mass and whistling on the stairs, BUT her penitence is real? Which is it?? Here's the real plot twist: when you're with her, you're confused, out of focus, and bemused and never know exactly where you are? Kinda sounds like you have a crush on Maria, Sister Soph! Which would have been such a fun subplot (someone write that fanfic PLEASE)!! Own your fluidity, girl! Get that holy ass πŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌ
  6. 6.
    Sister Agatha
    Fun fact: this role is not credited even though she has a few singing lines. Anyway. Sister Agatha only really calls Maria out for being late to chapel, but she also doesn't defend her? And she claims that Maria could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl which is 1) an excellent replacement for "Bull in a China Shop" and 2) maybe a compliment?? It's kind of like making a Royal Guard laugh! Sure, it disrupts them but also shows how charming and irresistible you are! Thanks Aggie!!
  7. 7.
    Maria
    Okay obviously the worst at being a nun, even if she is just in training. Regardless of what I said above, if you're gonna be a nun then dammit Maria, at least try to follow the rules! I relate so strongly to her complete lack of impulse control and inability to give a shit about her lame job, but also stop being so flaky! She kind of owes the Abbey one for taking her in as an orphan, so you gotta pay it forward bro.
  8. 8.
    Praying 4 ur sins
    100% should have included them on my Squads list. A grievous oversight on my part 😞