FOUND IN MY DRAFTS // Now that they're a four piece (RIP Zayn), 1D would be smart to hire someone to step in if any of them get sick or has an emergency on tour. And by someone, I mean me.
  1. I know all the parts to all the songs
    Harmonies included. And I can hit all the notes except like 2. But pay me $38 million and I'll learn to whistle like Mariah, I promise
  2. I know all their lyrics, probably better than them
    Definitely better than they do, TBH.
  3. I wouldn't need a bathroom break mid-show because I'm a professional
    I don't wanna brag but I basically have an industrial sized bladder from driving back and forth to Pittsburgh without pit stops.
  4. I know when to yell "YOU SING!" during Little Things and WMYB
    I also know approximately when Liam says "shake it" in the background (hint: it's about every 3 minutes)
  5. I can translate fan signs for them
    Niall would have known about "chonce" way earlier if I was on board"
  6. I would clarify any on stage banter so fans wouldn't have to wonder what was going on
    "They're just talking about how cold it is, calm down Tumblr shippers" or "Louis just told Liam he is still very hungover"
  7. I can recite Niall's speech before Don't Forget Where You Belong
    "I wrote this song with a band called McFly, who is the band I wrote this song with. McFly. This song. I wrote it. With McFly" or whatever
  8. I don't need my own car or hotel room
    Don't worry about adding my lodging into the budget, I can bunk up with Neil
  9. I also only wear 4 different outfits on a regular basis
    So wardrobe wouldn't be a problem
  10. I have like 30 pairs of black jeans
    See above
  11. I have experience wearing heeled boots so I wouldn't fall the fuck over every show
    Take notes, Harry
  12. My hair is only a little bit longer than Harry's so people might not actually notice the difference
    Slap some temp tattoos and a pair of sparkly boots on me and call me Styles
  13. I would always be gracious and excited about promo/shows/obligations because HELLO I'm in One Direction and I am worth approximately $47 trillion so life is p good
    For more details about what a good fucking celeb I would be: REASONS I WOULD BE AN AMAZING CELEBRITY
  14. I can't flip my mic like Liam
    But honestly that's still a notch in the pro column