WHY WASN'T I TOLD SOONER?
Here are those things that are obvious to most people. So obvious, apparently, that no one cares to mention them. As such, I end up in a hospital or some such dire situation and everyone is like, "how didn't you know?"
- •Throwing axes is a lot of fun.If I'd known sooner, I'd have far fewer ex boyfriends breathing down my neck and a much bigger smile on my face.
- •Turn your wheels toward the curb when parking on an incline, away on a decline.If I'd known sooner, one car would still have a bumper.
- •Pee after sexIf I'd known sooner, I would have a week of my life back.
- •Realtors give gift baskets after the saleIf I'd known sooner, I would not have recommended a certain realtor to friends.
- •Clean vinyl records before playing themIf I'd known sooner, I'd have spent far less on needles and still be able to listen to Blonde on Blonde.
- •Flip the handle of a Dyson vacuumSo many cleaning opportunities missed.