WHY WASN'T I TOLD SOONER?

Here are those things that are obvious to most people. So obvious, apparently, that no one cares to mention them. As such, I end up in a hospital or some such dire situation and everyone is like, "how didn't you know?"
  1. Throwing axes is a lot of fun.
    If I'd known sooner, I'd have far fewer ex boyfriends breathing down my neck and a much bigger smile on my face.
  2. Turn your wheels toward the curb when parking on an incline, away on a decline.
    If I'd known sooner, one car would still have a bumper.
  3. Pee after sex
    If I'd known sooner, I would have a week of my life back.
  4. Realtors give gift baskets after the sale
    If I'd known sooner, I would not have recommended a certain realtor to friends.
  5. Clean vinyl records before playing them
    If I'd known sooner, I'd have spent far less on needles and still be able to listen to Blonde on Blonde.
  6. Flip the handle of a Dyson vacuum
    So many cleaning opportunities missed.