A Selection Of Quotes From Dinner With My Parents
I'm not even sure what they were talking about half the time.
- •"What did your husband die from?" "Cancer." "Bummer."My mom, talking to their friend's new girlfriend. BUMMER. UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR, MOM.
- •"Did that happen often?"Question my mom asked after aforementioned woman talked about slipping and face planting on their first date.
- •"He got kicked out of Catholic school for getting two girls pregnant."
- •"Hill-a-copter"Said numerous times by my mother who did not understand she was mispronouncing helicopter. Made the waitress tell her how she said it. Unlike my mom, she pronounced it like a normal person.
- •"Is that what Hillary uses?"My sister, mocking my mom.
- •"I only did it once." "What, breaking your nose?" "No, making shrapnel bombs."
- •"No offense, but I'm moving off the hump"
- •"If you fall on your back in a prostate position."My mom, mispronouncing prostrate. I laughed so hard I cried. She did not appreciate it.
- •"You know, in the Wizard of Oz when she clicks her heels and says 'I wish I was in Kansas"Someone needs to rewatch that movie, MOM.
- •"What the hell is this two two top to quit?"My mom, reading only the second half of a text.
- •"Toe-go"My dad, fucking up to-go.
- •"Have you guys thought about bombing it?"
- •"I thought it was whimsical and fun." "It was about murdered people." "Well, I enjoyed it."Between the bombing jokes and this I'm slightly concerned about my mother.
- •"I didn't know he existed, actually."