A Selection Of Quotes From Dinner With My Parents

I'm not even sure what they were talking about half the time.
  1. "What did your husband die from?" "Cancer." "Bummer."
    My mom, talking to their friend's new girlfriend. BUMMER. UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR, MOM.
  2. "Did that happen often?"
    Question my mom asked after aforementioned woman talked about slipping and face planting on their first date.
  3. "He got kicked out of Catholic school for getting two girls pregnant."
  4. "Hill-a-copter"
    Said numerous times by my mother who did not understand she was mispronouncing helicopter. Made the waitress tell her how she said it. Unlike my mom, she pronounced it like a normal person.
  5. "Is that what Hillary uses?"
    My sister, mocking my mom.
  6. "I only did it once." "What, breaking your nose?" "No, making shrapnel bombs."
  7. "No offense, but I'm moving off the hump"
  8. "If you fall on your back in a prostate position."
    My mom, mispronouncing prostrate. I laughed so hard I cried. She did not appreciate it.
  9. "You know, in the Wizard of Oz when she clicks her heels and says 'I wish I was in Kansas"
    Someone needs to rewatch that movie, MOM.
  10. "What the hell is this two two top to quit?"
    My mom, reading only the second half of a text.
  11. "Toe-go"
    My dad, fucking up to-go.
  12. "Have you guys thought about bombing it?"
  13. "I thought it was whimsical and fun." "It was about murdered people." "Well, I enjoyed it."
    Between the bombing jokes and this I'm slightly concerned about my mother.
  14. "I didn't know he existed, actually."