A brief history of birthdays, both good and bad, that have stuck with me over the years.
  1. September 19th, 1988
    My day of birth. I personally don't remember this, but I do know I slid the fuck out of there so quickly the doctors weren't ready for it. Also, my parents didn't have a name picked out for me yet, so they just named me Kaitlin after the baby born in the next room. Great job, parents.
  2. 09/19/95 - 7 years old
    Ah, first grade. I was so excited about school because birthday cupcakes. I didn't feel great, but I wasn't going to tell anyone because fucking cupcakes. I went up to the blackboard to practice some cursive, and my vision went almost all black and I very nearly passed out. Turns out I had the flu and was running a fever of 103. I had to go home and missed out on the cupcakes. Not the best birthday, and the start of a lifelong distrust of birthdays that fell on a Tuesday.
  3. 09/19/97 - 9 years old
    I got in a fight with my sister and refused to let her have any cake. It ended with my face being shoved into the cake I wouldn't share. By my dad. It was one of the few times he lost his temper with us. I still bring this up to make him feel guilty.
  4. 09/19/98 - 10 years old
  5. 09/19/02 - 14 years old
    I managed to convince my parents to rent a cotton candy machine and snow cone maker. This was also during my Hot Topic™ phase, so we "moshed" in my backyard during the party and ended up creating a pit of mud. The grass was never the same again
  6. 09/19/04 - 16 years old
    I had a couple of friends over to party and get drunk, the same night my older sister had a huge bonfire. My parents were out of town, supposedly in Canada. They came home early. My dad rang the doorbell, and when we answered it he was just standing there with a huge shit eating grin on his face. Some of my sister's friends also stole my alcohol, those assholes.
  7. 09/19/10 - 22 years old
    In an attempt to make up for my 21st birthday, during which I had a bad cold and didn't really get up to much debauchery and shenanigans, I got very very drunk at a local bar. I proceeded to fuck up and tell someone something that I shouldn't have and ended up sobbing drunkenly in the parking lot. It was not fun. It was this birthday that I realized my age crises don't occur on typical birthdays, like 25 and 30, but on off year birthdays, like 22 and 27.
  8. 09/19/12 - 24 years old
    By this time, I was working as a hospice caregiver full time, and working 12 hour overnight shifts. I had to work the night before my birthday, and came home to what is still one of the best presents I have ever received - fancy ass high thread count sheets and a real down comforter. My mom had made my bed up with them, and it was like crawling into a goddamn cloud.