Public Bathroom Features That Annoy Me

  1. Automatic toilets
    They either never flush no matter how many times I pretend to sit back down and get up again, or they flush seven times in the minute and a half it takes me to pee and wipe.
  2. Automatic lights
    I AM STILL POOPING WHY HAVE YOU SHUT OFF THIS IS JUST RUDE
  3. Those push sinks with timed water
    Okay, five seconds of water is not enough time for anyone to wash their hands this is ridiculous and now I'm supposed to use my clean-ish hands to press that stupid metal button again and again just to get the damn soap off what is this
  4. Automatic sinks
    Am I a ghost? HAVE I DIED AND I DIDN'T NOTICE?? Because they never turn on and that is the only explanation I can think of for why the sensors will never notice my hands. Sometimes I'll put one hand in each sink if they are close together to find the one that will notice me.
  5. Timed air dryers
    They hardly work anyways, once again the five seconds of slightly warm air is going to do nothing. Fuck this, I'll wipe my hands on my pants.
  6. Basically anything that is on a timer or automatic let me use the bathroom at my own pace thank you very much
  7. Single bathrooms that don't have occupied signs
    Do you even know how many times I've tried to open a bathroom door only to think it is locked and then waited way too long only to find out no one has been in there? FAR TOO MANY TO BE REASONABLE
  8. On that note, single bathrooms that are gendered
    This is stupid. Why? WHY????
  9. Those weird cloth hand towels in a never ending loop
    HOW IS THIS SANITARY? THEY ARE ALWAYS DAMP AND I DOUBT THEY HAVE EVER BEEN WASHED OR CHANGED
  10. Round top toilet paper dispenser
    I need a flat surface to put my phone, what am I supposed to do with it once I finish scrolling Twitter while peeing and I need to pull my pants up? GET IT TOGETHER
  11. Toilet paper dispensers that are placed ridiculously high or low
    Ok. Really? I shouldn't have to stand or lean down to the floor to get TP who made this decision
  12. Sinks that only have cold water
    Thanks. Nothing like a frigid trickle of water to really get my hands clean. Super glad this is where you decided to cut corners
  13. Huge gaps between the door and the stall wall
    No one wants to accidentally make eye contact with a stranger you jerks
  14. Stall doors that close entirely when unoccupied
    THIS IS HOW ACCIDENTAL EYE CONTACT HAPPENS, COME ON
  15. No place to put tampons
    Look, I was raised not to flush them but I will not be forced to carry a used tampon to some random trash can just give me a receptacle or they are going straight in the toilet