A LETTER TO MY ANXIETY

See also: A LETTER TO MY DEPRESSION (A LETTER TO MY DEPRESSION)
  1. Why is it so much harder to yell at you?
  2. Why are you still that small little girl with feet that went numb whenever faced with the task of stepping on escalators, into elevators, into any unexplored place?
  3. How is it that our sadness has evolved but you have not, you are still that little girl, still stuck yet feeling everything, pinpricks and panic and pleading "I can't"?
  4. Can we grow up now?
  5. Can you see that we are doing things, big things, and they are working?
  6. Can't you feel the chemicals, the ones that are meant to be helping?
    Do you really only feel the nausea, the drowsiness? What about the rest?
  7. Don't you crave happiness?
  8. Don't you know that happiness is outside, with people, sunshine and fresh air?
  9. Do you really think the badness is better avoided by giving up goodness?
  10. Darling, we've been together a long time.
  11. I've been asked to picture you as a monster, before, but I'm not sure I can anymore.
  12. You're the friend that's tugged on the hem of my shirt, asking me to stay back because you don't want to be alone.
  13. But, anxiety, I don't want to be alone.
  14. And you make me feel alone.
  15. You make me feel stuck.
  16. Depression I can yell at, depression I can hate.
  17. But you have always tried to do the best by me, tried to protect me. Us.
  18. But anxiety, my love, the reason my heart beats too fast, the reason I'm always two steps behind, the reason new things make me cry,
  19. it's time to grow up.
  20. Together.