MY SPEECH IMPEDIMENT
I realised I hadn't listed about this and I love to overshare, so I obviously had to fix that.
- •I don't remember when I developed my stutter.It's just always been a part of me, I guess, as much as my anxiety.
- •Yes, unsurprisingly, it's heavily tied to my anxiety.When I'm anxious it's especially bad and sometimes paired with a tremor.
- •But sometimes it's just a random occurrence that makes me feel like a fucking idiot.I would never want someone with a speech impediment to feel this way but we're our own worst critics, right?
- •The other day I was speaking with my mother and I felt myself stuttering.My cheeks flushed pink. Everything I was saying felt insignificant because suddenly my speech wasn't smooth. Wasn't sure.
- •I hated it, and I hate it.Because I pride myself on being relatively well-spoken and sometimes I'm not, even if I know exactly what I want to say.
- •It's nowhere as bad as it used to be.But I still have to plan out what I'm going to say and sometimes I get it wrong. Or slow.
- •A lot of people have it much worse.And people in turn can be such dicks about it, whether they mean to or not.
- •Finishing someone's sentence sometimes isn't always helping them.Sometimes it is. You can ask a stutterer, nicely, which they'd prefer.
- •Being patient helps more than you know.Because speech impediment or not, what we each have to say is worth being heard.
- •Comedy about stuttering can be painful.Everybody laughs about Billy Madison taunting the kid with the stammer while he reads out loud. I don't.
- •Seeing other people stutter can be painful.The King's Speech was one of my favourite films but I can't watch it again because I feel so helpless.
- •I don't talk about it a lot.Not because my stutter is so bad that I'm speechless, but because it can be really embarrassing. And it shouldn't be. It's not my fault and it's not anybody's fault. I've fought hard to almost eliminate it at times. Maybe it will always be there, a part of my identity. But it isn't my whole identity.
- •I should talk about it more.For those who can't or won't. For those who are made fun of in class.
- •I will talk about it more.
- •Even if I stutter while I do.