ON IDENTIFYING AS BISEXUAL

  1. I was thinking about this a lot at work today.
    Existential contemplation is best served over: "Do you have a rewards card?" after all.
  2. When I was younger, most of my crushes were on girls.
    Girls on TV, girls at school... very often, teachers.
  3. At the time I didn't know that they were crushes because LOL I didn't know that women could like women.
  4. So when I felt my chest tighten around certain girls and I spent a little too long contemplating the scent of their shampoo I brushed it off.
  5. High School was really no different.
    I had a hardcore crush on one of my favourite teachers. In hindsight, I may have been a little bit in love with her. I really didn't like her husband and I still think about her with relative frequency.
  6. When people found out a girl was gay they'd warn others not to accept hugs, etc.
    Which just made no fucking sense to me? Guys could hug us platonically, but not gay girls???
  7. It was a Big Fucking Deal when it was found out one of our teachers was a lesbian.
    We weren't a religious school nor were we raised in a super religious area, but still.
  8. I had and still have a best friend who people have asked if I'm dating.
    I'm not, for the record, because being bisexual doesn't exclude my ability to befriend platonically!!!
  9. It's kind of exhausting that people associate bisexuality with deviance.
    Like it's a kink instead of a sexuality.
  10. It's even more exhausting when the media continually invalidates it.
    Piper started dating a girl on OITNB? Oh, she's a lesbian now! OR MAYBE SHE'S FUCKING BISEXUAL OR ONE OF THE DOZEN OTHER SEXUALITIES YOU THINK YOUR AUDIENCE IS TOO DUMB TO UNDERSTAND.
  11. It's heartbreaking when my family buys into this.
    They're in no way homophobic, but because I've expressed romantic interest in girls they constantly ask if I'm a lesbian.
  12. Which I'm not. And I shouldn't have to argue against. "Actually, I'm bisexual" should be an acceptable response.
  13. I like men and women.
  14. Sometimes, I think I lean towards emotional attraction to women but I get crushes and feel attraction towards both, constantly.
    Probably too much. I can fall in love with a customer in three seconds flat.
  15. It's confusing for me that that differs and so I'm constantly questioning my identity.
  16. Which is made a million times harder with everyone trying to tell me how to think and feel.
  17. That if I want to kiss x I must be y and if I change my mind and want to kiss z I need to change how I identify.
  18. I don't know why I'm writing this.
  19. And maybe I'm saying all of the wrong things.
  20. But I like guys and gals and I am bisexual.
  21. That should be enough, end of discussion.
  22. And yet.