SUPERSTORE LINES THAT HAVE MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD

Hilarious show with a lot of heart.
  1. "Balloons are like our souls. They want to go up but can't, and when you pop them, they scream."
  2. "I've taken four breaks today, so I guess we both got stuff to brag about."
  3. "Turns out they had a meth lab in their basement which, it turns out, was just a front for a dog fighting ring."
  4. "Do you want your child raised in a home with loaded handguns laying around, or do you want your child raised by Glenn?"
  5. "Okay. I'm just going to say it: I like her less than I like other people."
  6. "Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, the store has been closed for twenty minutes, many of us would like to leave, so if you're still in the store... you're being a dick. Don't be a dick."
  7. "Cheyenne Tyler Lee, will you marry me? Or are you gonna be, like, a dick about it?"
  8. "I regret not rescuing my twin brother from that wave."
  9. "It's just like my mom always said: if you don't work hard, Baby Jesus will cry."
  10. "If anything you're about to say includes the words "brave," "courageous" or "girl power," please don't talk."
  11. "What? Two seventeen year olds are making a bad decision? I thought that only happened in the movies."
  12. "God doesn't make mistakes very often, but when he does, you have to throw them right in the trash."
  13. "Is it gay enough? I don't want to be kicking myself later that we should have gone more gay."
  14. "I don't usually wear eyeliner. Sharpie, occasionally."
  15. "May your soul... or non-denominational life force, I guess, be lifted by the non-gender-specific arms of a loving entity or non-entity..."
  16. "I'm keeping a list of all the crazy white person stuff you say... fencing, that's definitely going on there." "What else is on there?" "I got wearing boat shoes, BBC America, makes his own trail mix."
  17. "Does this make sense to anyone else? White dress, $30.... white *wedding* dress, $200. Is there cocaine in this or something?"
  18. "You don't think people in this store do marijuana, do you?"
  19. "I catfished my school nurse and she ended up moving to Australia to meet a picture of Michael Fassbender when he was young."
  20. "Hey, do we have any kind of training? I've just been wandering from one department to another, trying to look like I have purpose."