THOUGHTS WHILE RECEIVING A MASSAGE AT A FANCY DAY SPA

How'd I do, @dfly?
  1. Ah, water that has passionfruit and orange and lemon in it. So superior to regular water.
  2. Waiting.
  3. Waiting.
  4. Waiting.
  5. Everyone here is wearing a bathrobe and I still feel underdressed.
  6. Waiting.
  7. "Yes! That's me."
  8. Yes, I will follow you.
  9. Sure, I'll strip down and lay on this bed.
  10. Ugh, I can't get the towel positioned right. Sorry, random stranger, you have to see my underwear.
  11. Is this Enya? It doesn't sound like Enya.
  12. I don't think I've had a massage that wasn't to the tune of Enya.
  13. Maybe they can't afford Enya?
  14. No, this coat $80 for 25 minutes. They're fine.
  15. Ah, lotion.
  16. It rubs the lotion on its skin...
  17. "Yeah, that pressure is fine!"
  18. This is nice.
  19. The masseuse is only wearing socks.
  20. Is that weird?
  21. Closing my eyes...
  22. ...is it an insult or a compliment if I fall asleep?
  23. I don't want to insult her. My neck is literally between her hands.
  24. One twist and...
  25. Dammit.
  26. Now I'm thinking about murder.
  27. Has there ever been a murderous masseuse before?
  28. I would watch that episode of Deadly Women.
  29. Okay, she wants me to turn over.
  30. Is it easier to break my neck if I'm on my back?
  31. No! Shut up! Relax.
  32. Focus on your breathing.
  33. But, like, someone's been killed like this before, right?
  34. Or will I be the first one?
  35. I wouldn't mind being the inspiration for a TV true crime documentary.
  36. Not that this woman seems especially murderous.
  37. She's talking with that soft voice all people at day spas do.
  38. Like Enya.
  39. If we could afford Enya.
  40. Oh, it's over?
  41. "That was wonderful. Completely relaxing."
  42. She's smiling, okay, good.
  43. Take the fruit water.
  44. LEAVE.
  45. Did I just narrowly escape death?
  46. I need to write a list about this.