TONIGHT MY FATHER BEGGED ME TO NEVER LEAVE HIM
TW: Suicide mention.
- •Today I had an emergency psychiatric appointment to evaluate whether or not it's time for an impatient stay.At $8000, it's not really an option for me.
- •And I came to my father's to try to settle down.
- •Of course, when I arrived he was drunk.
- •He's been drunk a lot lately.
- •He's not a violent drunk, he's just an emotional drunk in an overbearing way and I'd be lying if I didn't admit it scared me.
- •He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I can count on one hand the amount of times he held my hand since I was ten.
- •He told me I was the most wonderful girl in the world and that he knew I was doing my best.
- •He told me that life was bullshit.But that we'd make it.
- •He said I love you more times than he's said to me since I was five.
- •He made me promise not to leave him.Like his sister who hung herself two years ago this August.
- •I sent myself to bed when he was done rambling.But I'm still a little terrified.
- •Not of him, but of drunken him.And whether alcohol is the only thing that makes him love me.
- •I don't know what to do with this revelation.He wants me to live with him but I can't live with someone who drinks like he does.
- •I'm also not sure I have an option.
- •I can't stop thinking about that promise, though.The first time that he's ever acknowledged the time I tried to leave him. Leave everything.