Requested by Nath

WHAT I'D DO IF I HAD A TIME MACHINE

Thanks for the request, @nathalia! 😘
  1. 1.
    Freak out.
    Where did it come from?
  2. 2.
    Seek crazy-but-wise old man to help me navigate it.
  3. 3.
    If unsuccessful, search for manual.
  4. 4.
    If again unsuccessful, stare at buttons and contemplate.
  5. 5.
    Panic.
    What if I ruin human history? Or the future of humanity?
  6. 6.
    Take a benzo.
  7. 7.
    Press buttons.
  8. 8.
    Go back.
    Find my grandfather who died when I was still an infant. Ask him to teach me all the Polish words he still knew while drinking lime milkshakes, his favourite.
  9. 9.
    ...
    Spend more time with my grandmother. Ask her questions about the war, and about how she did it all.
  10. 10.
    ...
    See my aunt before she died. Find out what she wanted from me. Stop my other aunt from taking her life.
  11. 11.
    ...
    Say sorry when there was still time.
  12. 12.
    Go forward.
    Find my later self. Ask how to get through it. Ask if it gets better. Ask if it's worth it.
  13. 13.
    ...
    Find out some good sporting results to unethically bet on. Not to become a billionaire but just so my mother can have a house and breathe each month.
  14. 14.
    ...
    Find cool celebrities I can meet while they're still up-and-comers.
  15. 15.
    ...
    Steal a hoverboard or whatever.
  16. 16.
    Go home.
    Rest. Observe. Pray that Beyoncé was still born.