WHY I (KINDA) SUCK AT LISTING OF LATE
I feel like maybe I haven't been absent enough to warrant this but I've also gone from thinking in lists to barely being able to think, SO.
- •So I'm not doing super great.
- •I wish I was one of those people who found creativity in their depressive states but I'm not.
- •I don't know if this is a medication thing or just the fact that I'm back at uni now and I'm so overwhelmed that I'm just shutting down?
- •I don't know if it's the fact that I feel borderline worthless because my "best" local friend cut me off more than two months ago.And it's hard to imagine strangers giving a damn when someone I love/d and trust/ed doesn't.
- •I'm still gaining a ton of followers.
- •Like, to the point that I messaged @list and wondered if it was spam?They told me it wasn't, and I'm one of their recommended to follow List accounts.
- •I read that email and laughed and then started to cry.Because being liked here has meant a lot over the past few months but lately it's been hard to see through my shitty brain constantly telling me that I'm awful and deserve to die.
- •I really am grateful for the fact that you all feel I'm a voice worth listening to.Even if, lately, it's harder to "speak."
- •I don't want this to be another failed attempt at a hobby.I've quit too many times.
- •I want to keep writing here as long as I can.
- •I'm truly trying to think of interesting things to say.
- •And to be kinder to myself when those awful thoughts come to mind.❤️