MY ROOMMATE HORROR STORY 😱

Inspired by @ListPrompts
  1. β€’
    I started college in August 2011
  2. β€’
    I chose to have a random roommate
  3. β€’
    Her name was Briana
  4. β€’
    I don't know if it was pronounced Bri-AN-uh or Bri-AH-nuh
  5. β€’
    So I just called her Bri, like we were buds or something, but we definitely were not.
  6. β€’
    There are so many facets to why this experience was so terrible, so I'll just highlight some main points.
  7. β€’
    She was disgusting. Her half of the room just had piles of shit everywhere. And coming from ME, that's saying a lot. I am not a clean person.
  8. β€’
    We literally didn't speak to each other. When we came back from our one month long winter break, we didn't even say hello to each other.
  9. β€’
    One time she walked in on me getting fucked doggy style over the back of my desk chair. She never made eye contact with me after that.
  10. β€’
    I brought a microwave, she did not. I would have gladly let her use it (even tho I didn't like her, it's a fucking microwave. Not like she's asking to borrow my hair brush or something), but she never asked. One time she made ramen with warm water from the sink and slurped those crunchy noodles down in 10 seconds flat. 😷
  11. β€’
    She snored SO LOUD. I bought expensive fucking ear plugs and always turned a fan on at night to help drown out the sound. But nothing worked.
  12. β€’
    I recorded her snoring once.
  13. β€’
    You all may be thinking, "this doesn't sound so bad, you're being dramatic."
  14. β€’
    But this is where shit gets real.
    Actual shit.
  15. β€’
    I came home from dinner one night, and she was standing in front of our bathroom door
    I got the fancy dorm with personal bathrooms because I was in the honors program (for one semester, fuck that shit)
  16. β€’
    We did our usual avoid eye contact and don't speak to each other routine.
  17. β€’
    All of the sudden I hear "Uhh, Kallee?"
  18. β€’
    I sat on my bed and started watching a movie.
    500 days of summer to be exact, I remember every detail of this fateful day.
  19. β€’
    I take one head phone out.
  20. β€’
    I turn my head and her belly is inches from my face.
    Back the fuck up dude.
  21. β€’
    She says "I clogged the toilet. Campus facilities is on their way to unclog it."
    She looks very embarrassed. And I get such bad second hand embarrassment, so I feel embarrassed for her. And it's so uncomfortable.
  22. β€’
    I just say "okay" and put my headphone back in.
  23. β€’
    She starts walking towards to door and turns and says "I had to go ask Sam (our RA) what to do, and she couldn't stop laughing!"
    I respond with a nervous fake laugh, and continue watching the beautiful Joseph Gordon Levitt.
  24. β€’
    BUT THEN SHE LEAVES THE ROOM
  25. β€’
    LEAVES ME THERE TO LET CAMPUS FACILITIES INTO OUR ROOM TO UNCLOG THE TOILET
  26. β€’
    SO IT LOOKS LIKE I SHIT A FUCKING BRICK
  27. β€’
    πŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺπŸ”ͺ
  28. β€’
    They arrive shortly after. I let them in. It's very awkward and my face is very red because any type of emotion makes my face turn very red.
  29. β€’
    I enter the bathroom after they leave to survey the damage.
  30. β€’
    There is a hanger in the garbage can with wet toilet paper on it
  31. β€’
    The toilet cleaner brush that I provided has wet, poopy toilet paper all stuck in the bristles
  32. β€’
    LIKE DOES SHE NOT KNOW THAT A TOILET PLUNGER WORKS BECAUSE OF SUCTION⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
  33. β€’
    YOU CAN'T POKE YOUR SHIT BRICK LOOSE WITH A HANGER⁉️⁉️⁉️
  34. β€’
    There is also brownish colored water droplets on the wall 😷😷😷😷
  35. β€’
    She shit on the wall essentially. 😷😷😷😷😷
  36. β€’
    She came back and I, sort of rudely, asked her to clean up the mess.
  37. β€’
    She did not, because she is disgusting human being.
  38. β€’
    So the next morning after class, I wait for her to arrive back to our room
  39. β€’
    Then me, being the Queen of Passive Aggression, start slamming doors and throwing everything from the bathroom into a black garbage bag.
    πŸ‘‘πŸ‘‘πŸ‘‘πŸ‘‘
  40. β€’
    The next day, I purchase a new toilet cleaner brush and attach a sign to it that reads: "THIS BRUSH IS NOT MEANT FOR UNCLOGGING TOILETS"
    Again, the QUEEN of Passive Aggression. πŸ‘‘
  41. β€’
    She never removed the sign, but after I didn't either, she finally just threw the entire brush away and replaced it. πŸ–•πŸ»πŸ–•πŸ»πŸ–•πŸ»
  42. β€’
    Anyways. Sophomore year roommate didn't go so great either.
  43. β€’
    I've been basking in the freedom of living alone for 3 years now 😎😎😎😎😎