Requested by Amelia

EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENED AT MY WEDDING START TO FINISH

Thanks for the request @ameliaville. This will be long and weird. 😊
  1. I just want to provide a disclaimer before you read this. This was our special day and we did it how we wanted. No one in our family was angry with us and we have great relationships with them.
    This represented who we are and how seriously we take ourselves. It was the only time in our 11 years together that we've ever subjected our family to anything like this. Every other moment they have been treated with complete respect for their beliefs and traditions. We got to have this one day our way. They get to have every holiday and wedding from here to eternity THEIR way and we respectfully participate.
  2. Let's start with the proposal.
  3. One day I came home on my lunch break and he threw an unopened fed ex package at me and said, "So if you want to do the paperwork or whatever..."
    I had no idea wtf. I opened the box. It was a $26 infinity ring I had mentioned liking a few months back. "Wtf does paperwork have to do with OH SHIT YOU'RE ASKING ME TO MARRY YOU."
  4. Best. Proposal. Ever.
    I love when a moment that is supposed to be beautiful is actually awkward. I would never wear a diamond knowing the conditions of the people who mine for them. And I don't like expensive things that I can easily lose. This proposal was perfect.
  5. I called my mom right away. She wanted to know when the ceremony would be. "We don't want a ceremony. Just the paperwork is fine."
    "NO." She tells me, "That's not going to work." And I instantly folded and agreed to have a ceremony... 😈😈😈 MY way 😈😈😈
  6. "We want to get married on October 1st" It was September when I said this. "Oh good" she says, "A whole year to plan the wedding."
  7. "Nope. A whole month."
    Not enough time to find a church or flowers or any of the other things I didn't want to do. We planned a BBQ with family and a small ceremony in my inlaw's backyard.
  8. Mark agreed to write a play for the ceremony.
    While we were planning the weirdest wedding we could with the time given, my mom was making arrangements for flowers and a cake and other traditional wedding stuff that I did not care if we had. I told her I preferred it if we didn't waste the money on all of that extra stuff. "You'll care later when you look back and wish you had them." lol okay. I didn't fight her. Let her have these few nice things. The ceremony will be bad enough. I adore my mother and she just wanted to do something nice.
  9. We sent out invitations with assigned seating. Everyone got seats in row J... J1, J2, etc.
    The seats at the wedding were all carefully labeled, but I did not include a row J.
  10. The wedding party all wore costumes... They didn't match or have any coherent theme.
  11. My best friend @ohteeds was the officiant. She wore a French maid costume, knee-high go-go boots, and a cape. Her instruction was to get as drunk as possible before the ceremony.
    That's a flask in her left hand. Her belt buckle is a lobster. She wrote our names on her boots with nail polish.
  12. Our flower girl was Mark's best friend, Rick. He wore a tool belt with rose petals in it. His instruction was to throw the rose petals angrily at the ground and generally act like he didn't want to be there.
    He did a fantastic job staying in character.
  13. The groom (@trespassers) dressed like a farmer or something. I'm not really sure.
  14. I made a really bad hair piece to wear and I dressed in what I think was supposed to be a Renaissance dress (that my mom sewed in a month). My mom is a saint and doesn't deserve any of the 💩 I give her.
    This is our formal wedding portrait.
  15. While I was getting ready my mother-in-law came upstairs to ask about seating. Apparently everyone was walking around confused and couldn't find their assigned seat. Apparently there was no row J.
    "Wow weird! I must have messed up somewhere. I guess they can sit anywhere." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  16. Time to get married.
    I arrived purposefully late and had plenty to drink to calm my stage fright. Plenty.
  17. When the flower girl got to the front he raised a boombox over his head 80's movie style and played I Walk the Line by Johnny Cash. I walked up the aisle with my grandpa.
    (Mark gave him that hat after the ceremony.)
  18. The guests had all been handed a playbill with the script and instructions for audience participation.
  19. We began with a fire and brimstone quote about how sinners go to hell and brides are property that must submit to their husbands. It was a quote we found that had been used at weddings a long time ago.
    Most of the ceremony was made up of old ceremony traditions that were normal at one time, but would seem horrible if anyone said them now.
  20. Then it was time to address the matter of my dowry.
    I didn't have land or title so a space on my web server was offered by my brother, who stood from the audience and presented a scroll.
  21. Out of the 50+ in attendance, MARK'S SISTER WAS THE ONLY ONE TO READ AND FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS FOR AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION.
    Every time she yelled out what the script said to say, no one else knew what she was doing or why. She was nervously laughing and pointing at the script and trying to get people to look at theirs but they were all just so confused and didn't understand why she would shout during a wedding. This made me start laughing uncontrollably in the middle of the ceremony.
  22. In order to keep the wedding small, Mark and I each only invited one friend, and the rest of the guests were family. Religious family.
    That means there were maybe 6 people who thought what we were doing was at all funny.
  23. Here's a piece of the script:
  24. -----
  25. TORI: Do you, Kamina, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to watch cartoons with, enjoy and be enjoyed by, to snuggle, care for, and lean on, and play video games till death takes all your extra guys?
  26. KAMINA: I do.
  27. TORI: Ladies and Gentlemen: I present Mr. and Mrs. "That Guy". Greet them loudly and lustily!
  28. Direction for audience: [AUDIENCE GIVES STANDING OVATION]
  29. -----
  30. Mark's sister stood and clapped.
  31. My grandma made my favorite cake for the reception.
    I couldn't find any hideous cake toppers at the thrift store so I had to make one.
  32. The only tradition I was set on doing for the reception was a toast so that I could drink from this glass while making this face.
  33. Here is a photo of a child drinking from a champaign glass.
  34. Mark's parents reacted with skepticism.
    At the end of it all they asked to see the paperwork because they thought we had lied and/or taken advantage of them by having a fake wedding.
  35. My mom reacted with joy.
    "After seeing this I know my daughter has found her soul mate." she announced gleefully. She had no doubt it was a real wedding and that we were perfect for each other. And the flowers were beautiful. They were sunflowers and I kind of hate sunflowers but looking back I'm glad my least favorite flower was there. I guess she was right after all.
  36. We're coming up on our 10 year wedding anniversary and we still haven't had a single fight.
    We've made it through majorly stressful situations. I had stage 3 colon cancer and he was there for me every day. We struggle with money because of my illness. Nothing has come between us. 💖💕