As we all know, the only acceptable emotion to feel is happiness. Here are some tips for how to make people feel happier by shaming them for not feeling happy. #positivevibesonly %blesas
  1. Let them know how many muscles it takes to smile versus how many muscles are necessary to produce a frown.
    Nothing makes people happier than micro anatomy lessons. 😁
  2. Inform them that other people have problems that are worse than theirs.
    I feel happiest when I know other people are suffering. And wow do I feel such joy when I know their suffering is worse than mine. 😍😍😍
  3. Tell them if they fake a smile it will eventually make them happy.
    I've been watching a few of my friends do this on Facebook for about 10 years now, and I'm sure it will start to pay off for them soon. You gotta put in your time. #10000hours 🙃
  4. Remind them that happiness is a choice.
    Happiness is not a fleeting feeling that comes about at special moments when things are going well or when someone expresses they love you. That's a myth. The truth is that whenever someone tells you they love you, you go to your brain computer and consciously choose to flip the happiness switch. The only time you should turn off happiness is when it's socially inappropriate to feel happy. 😊
  5. Make them feel responsible for your emotional state.
    Let them know they aren't a joy to be around. Or just be honest and tell them what a bummer they are. Being a fairweather friend is a great way to discourage sadness. There are so many ways to make people feel bad for bringing you down!
  6. Remind them of the importance of staying positive.
    There is literally nowhere this isn't appropriate. Do they have cancer and chemo has been hard on them? Just tell them, "It's important to stay positive!"
  7. Bring their genitals into it.
    I think the most intelligent thing you can do is link emotions to genitals. When you tell someone to "grow a pair" you're being efficient by shaming them for being sad AND for not behaving like someone who has large testicles.
  8. Bring their gender into it.
    "Don't be a girl." Can you think of anything more shameful than being a girl? I can't.
  9. Tell them to live in the moment.
    Right now I'm sitting in a house that's under construction. It's freezing cold and there is an overpowering smell of paint fumes. And that's how staying in the moment makes you happy. It's literally that simple.
  10. Tell them to exercise!
    It's safe to assume they aren't exercising already. It's also safe to assume there isn't any reason they can't exercise. Also it's safe to assume that all people's brains and bodies react exactly the same way to exercise. There are no safer assumptions! 💪
  11. Tell them to spend time in nature.
    Quit your bitching and stare at this tree. 🌳