HOW TO BE A JERK ON A PLANE

  1. Take such a long time doing whatever it is you're doing in the overhead bin that you're delaying the boarding process.
    Elderly people and large families are exempt from this complaint.
  2. Hog the elbow rest for the entire flight.
  3. Attempt to strike up a conversation with someone wearing headphones or reading.
  4. Nod off, snore, and jolt yourself awake over and over again.
  5. Let your restless leg syndrome run wild.
  6. Eat a big fat sloppy sandwich.
  7. Listen to your music collection without bothering to use headphones.
  8. Cough and/or sneeze enough times to make people wonder what's going on.
  9. Don't do whatever it is you should be doing to get your kid who is older than a baby to stop screaming.