1. Are you a ballerina?
    I didn't think so. So why wear a little tutu?
  2. I have a peplum sweater that makes me look fat.
    It's entirely the peplum.
  3. Peplums try too hard.
    Like they want a Tierra they're never gonna get.
  4. Peplums are a red carpet show on E!
    Where everyone looks terrible.
  5. Peplums are the fashionable equivalent of a "pump" shoe.
    Remember those?
  6. Also, they just seem churchy.
    Like one might wear my dumb peplum sweater in church.