My Open Letter Against Brunch

  1. I know you're very popular.
  2. And I realize this makes me very, very unusual for a lady my age.
  3. But seriously, waiting in line for eggs?
  4. Eggs!?
  5. $15 eggs, no less.
  6. No matter how good you are, you're still just eggs.
  7. I know, you also have pancakes and French toast, but those aren't really helping your case.
  8. Also? Can we talk about the timing?
  9. You essentially kill eating for the rest of the day for me.
  10. And I really, really like eating.
  11. Let's not forget your friends Mimosa and Bloody Mary.
  12. They basically guarantee I pass out for a "quick nap" when I get home that turns into waking up as the sun goes down.
  13. I'm sorry, but I just can't get behind you.