Or at least help push them in the crappy day direction.
  1. Give them an unsolicited: "You look tired."
    This is never helpful to hear unless it's a close friend showing real concern. Bonus points if they're new parents (they know). Double Bonus points if they're a woman over 50. Now you're just being a bad person.
  2. Comment on what they're eating!
    Have a dieter in your midst? Try saying "You're so good" really loudly. Hopefully lots of people can hear you! Best phrases to use for "unhealthy" food choices: "Wow, if I ate that I'd need a nap after." And (my personal favorite): "That's an aggressive lunch choice."
  3. "Did you get my email?"
    Make sure to say this in passing in the hallway. Bonus points if you're asking this a few minutes after sending said email. Double bonus points if they replied and you were too lazy to check before asking.
  4. Text a cliffhanger!
    "We need to talk." Or "Don't be mad." followed by an excruciatingly long pause between messages is ideal. Try to wait at least 5 minutes!
  5. "That's an interesting _________"
    Shirt? Hairstyle? Baby name? It doesn't matter, fill this in with any observation about a personal choice they've made and you're certain to fill that person with self-doubt and/or a feeling of defensiveness!
  6. Leave a long voicemail with important information buried in between nonsense.
    Honestly, leaving a voicemail is enough. Putting important info in the message just sweetens the deal.
  7. Call - Email - Call - Text - Repeat
    The faster you can complete this sequence the better! Don't give this person a chance to reply! Assume they're ignoring you and not busy.