Awesome reasons you should live in the suburbs

  1. Neighbors are always wanting to become your best friend
    Until that is of course, you actually go over there and they realize you aren't like them
  2. You wake up to the sound of kids throwing balls against your garage
    Or in today's case, the sound of a bouncy castle being blown up in the house directly behind yours
  3. There's always a juicy scandal
    And you're always the last one to hear about it
  4. They're always building trendy coffee houses near you
    And it's damn good coffee even if you hate going in there and seeing everyone dressed up and paying twenty bucks for coffee
  5. There's always a single, hot dad all the moms lust after
    And you probably already dated him
  6. There's always an annoying neighbor with "evidence"
    That your grass is too long, that your kids were out past curfew, that you want to punch them in the face...
  7. You always get woken up
    TOO DAMN EARLY