BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
- •It always starts the same- shock& denialYour friend gets a new boyfriend. A new job. Has a baby. Any life change that makes her or him suddenly so "busy" or "overwhelmed" that they stop returning phone calls or texts or unable to attend events they previously committed to. You are shocked that they could stop talking to you after spending almost every day together for years. But you are in deep denial and tell yourself a thousand excuses for the behavior.
- •Pain & guiltYou tell yourself that while it hurts, you should be more understanding. You should just forgive her distance and accept her new limits, you should be patient. You should...
- •Anger & bargainingYou find out things you didn't know. Your friends new boyfriend is controlling. He has trust issues. You start to think she isn't just busy, she's actually pulling away because she feels she has to. Then it gets worse. You find out illegal things she was doing, you wonder did you know her at all? How can she have done the things that she's accused of? Isn't there some explanation for this?
- •Depression, Reflection & LonelinessWhat is it about you that makes you so disposable? How could you not have seen the signs? You can't reconcile this person with the same friend who came over and held your hand during your break up. The person who forced you to keep going when you had hit rock bottom. How is this the truth? What does it say about you that you were friends with this person?
- •The Upward TurnLike in all times of pain, you start to dig deep and figure out who your true friends are. You reach out to people who are in this battle with you. You start to form bonds with people who are affected by her illegal behavior and start to see the somewhat positive side of not having her in your life anymore. It's an adjustment. You loved and trusted her so much.
- •Reconstruction & Working through. Acceptance & HopeYou know these are the two steps that will, eventually come. They are two steps that seem impossible right now. But you have lost friends before, you have lost relationships, you have had to bury more loved ones than you can count. You know you will get through this. You just have to lean on the people who you know you can count on. And you have to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to get there. And you have to let yourself grieve.